Substitution

The newspaper reported the appeal judgment. My client won, and he was vindicated from the frivolous suit brought on by the other shareholder, a suit that I unsuccessfully tried to strike out at first instance.

If I had stayed on, this would probably be my first successful appeal. However, giving thought to what new wonderful experiences I had this year after a change in job scope, I wondered pointedly whether it would be worth it if I had stayed on to do the appeal, and the answer...? Probably not.

We can't have the best of both worlds, sometimes we have to give up something important to ourselves in order to discover something better. 人生就是不停地戰鬥。

Dreams

I almost never remember my dreams, but in this medication-induced sleep, they came in, lucid as reality. In this one, she was all grown up, and we were playing a travel related board game that required us to go from country to country with each throw of the dice. She was winning, and I had ridiculously bad dice throws. Fast forward to scene 2, where we were both in an English cab driven by a rather unfriendly Pakistani driver, who sped through the streets of Britain by night. We didn’t know where we headed, we only knew we were heading south (to France maybe). It seemed like an extension of that board game that we were both playing earlier. I got nervous and edgy and stopped the cab somewhere near the equivalent of Little India. We got off, and decided this wasn’t working out, we would have to head to Heathrow Airport instead to take the next Qatar or Emirates flight back to Singapore. Why we did not ask the driver to change course when we were still in the cab eluded me, but I recalled her paying the driver 100 pounds for the ride, even though we are now stranded in the middle of nowhere (fine, Little India, but still). “That’s too much!”, I exclaimed, to which she just led me away to one of the shops. We had to find our way to Heathrow airport but in finding our way around we bumped into a Chinese lady who was manning a cart filled with fruits and berries. She told us that we were very far away from Heathrow, but (perhaps to console us somewhat) offered me some mulberry / mini-grape looking berry which I promptly shared with her. She was no longer the little girl that left this world 11 years ago, but as grown up as I was. For some strange reason, I was not surprised and I didn’t ask any questions, but was just happy to be able to share sweet berries with her and watching her smile.

Come to think of it, she hardly spoke, but to be able to just enjoy spending time with her in this manner, just the two of us, was good enough for me. For that few hours, when we were both grown up in a parallel universe, I was happy.

Crossroads

Once in a really blue moon, life presents an opportunity to move out of your comfort zone. Then the sudden realisation hits you: that if you are not constrained by your (lack of) education and finances or family commitments, you can do anything you want in this world, and the feeling is immensely liberating.

Rewind

Growing up / lapsing into routine / consumed by work / rat race / endless pursuits

Rewind // endless hours of hanging out // trance music // simple pleasures // being carefree

Now and then, regression is a balm to a weary soul

Release

"Pain is the release of weakness from the body". That pertains to the physical front. On the mental side, October was draining but fulfilling. Looking forward to a rejuvenating November in my favorite city in Asia. 楽しみにしょう！

Veneer

She said to me tonight, "I don't like you when you are intoxicated". I sobered up with a start. This was one of the last things I expected to hear after a nice 5 course dinner and wine with friends we've both known for years. I held my tongue, and I took it in during the rest of my journey back.

Thoughts.

How much of a relationship is compromise, how much requires work, how much demands sacrifice? We are all painfully clear that nothing comes without a cost. The extroverted dreams that fiery Aries used to have, his passion and his drive, unknowingly routed by the introverted water sign Scorpio. Yet he does this willingly, for he knows that there are certain gifts that he must treasure. Even so, there are nights like these where doubt creeps in and he turns in, unsure like a wandering nomad ascertaining his bearings.

0231 a.m. 02102010

Fade

This is not how young men are supposed to go. We lose them to war, we lose them to the lure of emigration but we never expect to lose them this way. Rest in peace bro, I'm sorry I didn't keep in touch much after law school. :(